Mistaken thinking...

There are many places that people think that I am supposed to be this weekend...

suppose

• v. to assume as true, especially for the sake of argument
• v. to consider likely or probable
• v. to expect

supposed

• adj. accepted as being, often mistakenly

assume

• v. to take for granted without proof

It is impossible to live your life on the assumptions of others.  If you are doing what others think you are supposed to do then you aren't actually living your life... you are living the life they think you should live.

I grow tired of doing things that make me feel like shit or uncomfortable because of what others think.  There is too much of that in my job that I don't want to have to deal with it in my personal life.  And far too often the person with the expectation is one who would not inconvenience themselves for me.  I refuse to live like that.  I don't think anyone should have to.

As a friend I am learning to pay more attention to what I ask of my friends and making sure that I wouldn't ask them to do anything that I would not do myself.  And sometimes you can't look at the literal action... you have to think about feelings as well.  Isn't that what friendship is all about?

rambling about crushes...

*a twitter convo inspired this bit of rambling*

i miss having a crush
they let me know that i am still alive
blood pumping through my veins
hormones get to flowing
and my creativity gets moving
i mean it is hard to write about relationships and love
if you have no muse
granted i could write an epic novel on depression
but who the hell would want to read that?

i want to write about the warm chill that
dances through your body when you
see that special someone
the imagery playing in your mind
when they are in it with you
the throb between your thighs
when they are really in it with you,

at least in your mind
where you know exactly what to say
exactly how to react
when the weather and your hair is always perfect
you look fly
and
most important
they always notice you.

my problem is i have too many rules
i can not crush on someone
who belongs to someone else

well...
except...
but that was entirely his fault...
married me shouldn't say such things...

but in general
to me
the thrill in the crush is
the potential
it could happen.

i don't share well
got the kindergarten report cards to prove it
so if i know that you are otherwise occupied
you can't be my crush
and lately that has killed many a potentially
exquisite fantasy.

my other rule
is to never act on the crush
never get up the nerve
cause nothing destroys a fantasy faster than
reality.

the sex is bad
they haven't grown up
or worse...
they have grown up and
they are still an asshole.

this is not to say
there isn't the possibility that
they are as wonderful in reality as
they are in your mind
and crushes can turn into love...

just hasn't happened to me yet...

but neither has winning the lottery
and that has happened to other people before...

just not me...


~turtleberry 6/19/12

What are you putting into life?

So a good friend of mine posted on various social media sites a question that I really like:

Shouldn't you put into your relationships what you want out of them??

It seems to have an obvious answer.  But I want you to pause for a second and think back to past relationships and ask yourself that same question.  Were you putting in what you expected to get out?  If you want your mate to be more considerate... are you modeling that behavior?
I myself had to take a moment and review my past relationship failures.  I could tell over time that I had gotten a lot better at modeling the behaviors that I wanted to see.  Now I am not saying that I was perfect at it.  As bad as that last one ended I am certain there was still a disconnect in that area.  The key is I don't blame it all on him.  I share in the blame in the fact that there were things I expected that I did not do. 
There has to be some sort of example to model after or communication.  The ideal is both.  If you want someone to love you a certain way, you have to love first yourself & then them that exact way.
 
It's like having a bucket and reaching in to get out something that you know good & got'damn well you didn't put in there.  You are taking your chances.  Sometimes you get lucky but most times you don't.
 
Now look at your life.  My mom has used this bucket analogy before.  Your parents and GOD provide you with a bucket.  For years your parents are sharing their blessings with you and putting them in your bucket.  As a child and a teenager you are able to reach into the bucket and pull out what you need.  At some point you have to start putting things into the bucket yourself. 
When you are an adult it is all on you.  You can't expect for there to be anything in the bucket if you didn't put anything in.
 
So what are you putting into your "life bucket" and your "love bucket"?  What are your thoughts?

Crushes… Commitment… Friendship… & other “grown up” things…

So as a Sagittarius I have an interesting view on relationships and commitment… & pretty much anything really… (I shall try to remain focused in this piece) My view may not be what you think but ponder it and share your ideas/thoughts.



Webster defines:


Friend as someone whom one knows and likes…
Boyfriend/Girlfriend as a favored male/female companion or sweetheart, a male/female friend…
Commit(commitment) as to be responsible for, to entrust or cosign, to place in official custody or confinement, or to pledge or obligate oneself…
Crush as an infatuation (to arouse an extravagant or foolish love in)…


Now it seems as though these meanings are tricky. Perhaps it is just the archer mind but if one is to be my favored male companion or sweetheart that would leave the door open for me to have other males who may not be as favored (I’m just saying…).


Don’t get me wrong, I am all for commitment. I want to one day have that guy who can be there for me and I can be there for him no matter what is going on in our lives. That is the ideal. That is when you know you have your soul mate.


But what to do until then???


I have been confused by the whole dating scene and titles people give each other. I understand that as adults we create some interesting relationship situations for ourselves that Webster may not have developed a word/definition for.


If I have friends do I define each friendship differently? And if I do is there a need for me to have to explain it each time?


Imagine if I tell my son that a certain guy is a “friend”. If he sees me kissing that guy he is going to say he isn’t my friend he is my boyfriend. How can I argue with him on that? I don’t kiss my female friends. So if a guy shares that same title he should be treated the same. Right?


Everything is tricky when you look through the eyes of a child where life is really cut and dry. They are just learning how adults play with language.


That being said I don’t think that you should have to explain your relationship to anybody. As long as both parties are on the same page then go for it.

So what about the phenomenon on facebook called "it's complicated".  Seriously... if "it's complicated" why are you even bringing it up on facebook?  Of course it could be because you are trying to converse with people about it.  I mean I don't do it, but I always want to inbox (or even wall post) asking what is so complicated about it.  I mean you do know you have the option not to even post your relationship status on facebook... right? :)


So why did I include crushes…


I am all for crushes. You know that guy or girl that you see and you like but you don’t really know if you have the guts to see if they feel it to? Or if you don’t know them that well to know if you want to take it beyond the fantasy into reality. Perhaps it is a friend that you wish would be more than that but aren’t sure you are willing to take on the potential risk to the friendship. Maybe they are taken. Whatever it is crushes are cool. They seem childish… but sometimes we all need to just relax and take it there. Is there really a need to go after every guy or girl we are remotely interested in?

Moving Forward

I recently mentioned to a friend of mine that you have to keep moving forward if you plan on getting anywhere.
Like our President and his car analogies... we can't get anywhere with the car stuck in neutral.  You got to options... drive or reverse.
I prefer drive.  I've been there with the stuff now in the rear view and don't want to go back.  But that is just me.

On Father's Day...

I will admit to being a big critic of the dead beat dads of the world.  (I am an even bigger critic of the trifilin a$$ moms... but that is another blog all together...)  However, I think that on Father's Day we should all take a break from that for a moment and celebrate our fathers.

Mine wasn't always there, but he was there when I needed him.  He still is.  And that is what is important to me.  He is an amazing man   He has taught me that a good man is not always perfect.  A good man can admit to not being perfect and strive for it by always doing the best he can.

I have friends and family who don't know their dad or have a really negative image of their father.

Guess what... he still did his job.

A father is supposed to teach you what a man is and should be.  Sometimes he teaches you that by showing you the exact opposite.  GOD didn't put that man in your life (even if it was not for that long) for nothing.  He can show you what a man should be by either being it or not being it.  I know a lot of men who learned how to be a man by being the exact opposite of what they saw in their Father.

It wasn't until I became a parent that I understood how hard it is.  No one is perfect.  As a mom I try to teach my son that there is good and there is bad.  You have to make the decision to be good in spite of other's doing bad.  He is blessed with a dad who is doing his best.  He isn't perfect, but who is (other than GOD).

My point is that on Father's Day... be thankful that you had one (else you wouldn't even be here).  Don't waste time bashing the bad ones because...
without them... how would we know what a good one looks like???

How to be sweet when discussing taxes...

I was told that the title of this series of blogs (random bits of sweetness) implied in some way that I would either be blogging about desserts and candy or that my discussions would not be rants , tyriads, or complaining about things.
With that in mind I took some time off to contemplate desserts and candy, cause there is no way I am not going to voice my opinion... LOL.

Today, as I was driving back and forth to the store I came up with a compromise.

Members of the Baltimore City Council recently banded together to agree to not back the Mayor's proposed "bottle tax". 

First, these are a group of people who couldn't band together to order lunch.  Second, they are bowing to pressure orchestrated by soft drink companies and grocery stores.

4 cents.  4 cents on every 24 ounce soda or juice that you buy.

Money is tight in my house.  Not as tight as some, but tight none the less.  When I hear people in similar situations as me complaining about 4 cents, I get irritated.

4 cents is not a lot.

That is unless you start talking about a big city like Balitmore and how many bottles of soda and juice are purchased by the large number of people who either live in or work in the city.

What can you get for 4 cents?

How about some police officers and fireman.  Public Safety.  I am willing to pay an extra 4 cents for by Mountain Dew.
Those who aren't sould watch an episode or two of the Wire... and then turn on the news for the similarities.

What about keeping some recreation centers and libraries open?  Wonder what kids do when they don't have recreation centers and libraries to go to?  Again, turn on the Wire... then the news... then look at the four pennies you saved on your soda.

I am willing to look at the other side of things.  Asking me to pay more taxes is just plain mean of government.  Isn't this why we threw some perfectly good tea in the ocean????
So here is my alternative.  We should all pay for our own security services.  No police.  No fire department.  Every man for himself.  And watch your own kids.  Educate and watch your own kids.  Buy your own books.  If you are poor... don't read.  Find your own way to dispose of your trash.  And you need to pay to go into the park because it is now privately owned.

That way you can keep your 4 cents!